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Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, and fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution.
I also suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain
letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on,
a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be
able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents
sell her to a travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone
to whom you send "his" mail, $1000? How stupid are we?
"Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get
laid by every Playboy model in the magazine!" What a bunch of bullshit.
Basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who
have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe
the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize
me in my sleep for not continuing a chain that was started by Peter in 5 AD
and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and which,
if it makes it to the year 2000, will be in the Guinness Book of World
Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends,
and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a
nickel from some omniscient being.
If you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped
by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
Don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're
actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's
your own unpopularity. The point being? If you get some chain letter that's
threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life
delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them
feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to a
dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this email, lest he end up like Miranda.
Right? Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning
your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals
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